Love Continued....

So love btw a boy and girl finally consummates with a beautiful relationship called marriage where  vows are exchanged between the soul mates to stay together. Its kinda troubling that my generation looks marriage as a compromise where husband and wife have a preconceived notions to sacrifice some of their self to please each other often  festering chaos  leading to devastation. Love which must be the pillar for the relationship suddenly loses its relevance and weighed down by the cobweb of expectations . The couple which looked great together before suddenly created  differences for no reason. Aneways there are lot of instances when I look at marriage where everything becomes important except love. As the word of God defines love so beautifully , it also says Love protects , so when I say protects I mean Love protects relationship especially husband and wife by filtering all the chaos created for reasons not worthy to be reasons.

I remember  of  a  moment  one day ; while I was commuting back to home after office at Lower Parel. I hopped onto the train at Parel and at Matunga a very elderly couple boarded the train who may in  their late 70s/80s. As they boarded the train the old man cornered against wall and his wife surrounded her who looked  little younger than him. As more people flooded along the way, I was pushed aside by the old lady until I realised I was getting pushed across the old man due to the insurmountable force of the crowd confronting me. I felt  little annoyed with the old lady  initially  but the moment I turned around , I could comprehend that all she was trying was to  get some space for her husband so that he would be comfortable in  an uncomfortable geography where the deluge of people fortunately save the imminent  outbreak  of  stampede.

The next flash was the realisation of the elderly couple’s love for each other at that age even after  having  exhausted the best years of their married life;  still they depend on each other so much so that the old lady quietly took  an odd position against the crowd in the train to keep her husband away from the crowd. I somehow marvel at this elderly couple, who could set so many of my  inhibitions, reasoning about marriage right and made me hope for more for  self  if not less than the elderly  couple I came across. Truly speaking, I envy them of their fidelity so evident from their concern about each other for so many years, holding onto their vows exchanged for each other. However,  some may argue that how can I be so sure about their aforesaid commitment and all that, well the reason is that the end the better than the beginning for every matter.So this gives me an outright inference that they might have seen storms and breeze in their married life but if they are dependent on each other so much at the fag end of their lives, then their ending is going to matter more than how they have begun or tread the path in between.

      Personal account

     The elderly couple has indeed left a mark on my treasured (for me) thoughts on relationships. So even as I continue penning my thoughts on love ; one would obviously question that  can anyone seemingly rattle on about love without being through it. I do admit even I was down with this terminal fever once but not long ago when  I  graduated from teenage. I was smitten by a pretty girl  who encroached my seat on her way to college and I on my way to home and it happened at almost speed of light, within few nano seconds my heart beat defied all biological rates prescribed  as normal. I have always failed to understand : whether a girl knows even what collateral damage she does on a guy like me who out of the blue realizes that his heart can be stolen just like that by someone he never met before or with least familiarity. I have always prided myself as someone who wouldn’t  let heart fall for someone at a drop of  a hat. That instantaneous feeling and ripples created  in the nervous system is unthinkable and can only be experienced. I don’t remember the formulae I crammed during my semesters, but the events of this mysterious emotion is still afresh cornered somewhere in mind. Even when I go back to those instances, I now understand by the overwhelming power of love on us. Nothing can stand before this, I bet nothing. Its easy to comprehend that even God has fallen for us despite our wickedness towards him. Its such a simultaneous feeling of excitement and nervousness. But it has its own pain and joy which is easily fathomed by anyone who falls into it.

     The joyful ride of around 15 mins or so with that person who left my heart beating so loud that one would easily burst his ear drum if used sethescope to gauge my heart beat then. Nobody knows when someone’s  heart would be stolen even before realization  and I stand witness to that. I believe we are all subjugated to this mysterious force whose origin is beyond our understanding and we simply stand vulnerable to it. Every experience is unique but the symptoms and effects are the same. One of  my closest friend had never been diagnosed with this fever  until  recently , he got betrothed to his better half  consummating with marriage. The feeling one goes through can’t be put into words and specially the thought of being cared  by someone even sinks deeper. There are no rules and no secret formulae for this emotion and its sanctity is tested at every moment during interaction.  I have this curiosity to interpret this emotion of living beings in its entirety. Why this makes a person to make his life cheap or  wage a war in an effort to get his loved  one. What does it do to a person, that the very same person who was selfish before , caring about his interests and satisfactions now doesn't care about himself and ready to face any test that comes his way. I could certainly say that when your heart falls for someone, it dominates your thoughts and all you enjoy is picturing the person tirelessly and words like concentration, focus and priority loses its meaning then. Coming back to my friend , who was seriously ignorant of this emotion , when I used to discuss about love , he seemed clueless and always said it must be left as it is and there is no point pondering over it and now being diagnosed with this fever for ever with his better half , he opines - it can only be experienced. True…..

  

LOVE

Love is a beautiful and awesome, confusing and mystical emotion gifted to us by God. However, in our fleshly desires we have carved out our own adulterated forms of love , which has not left any stone un turned to pollute the most beautiful emotion called Love. However , so far so good, even as  I am on a quest to explore this quality of living creatures, the findings are profound. As  I was growing up graduating from one level to other I had a very narrow minded understanding of love until I stumbled upon the verse quoted in the Bible in the book of Corinthians which defines Love in a very lucid manner as far as I know -“Love is patient, love is kind.It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered , it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts , always hopes , always perseveres. Love never fails.”

Indeed such an eyeopener description of Love is prone to be  stereotyped as ideal with a fair chance of dismissal by us only to keep it for purpose of quotation worth pleasing our ears and far from practicing it in our daily lives. The love between a boy and a girl is the most popular relationship depicting love and quite often I have experienced we like to relate love and its aforesaid attributes to a relationship between a boy and girl. So many love stories that are in circulation among us through movies, colleges , office , neighborhood et al, Yet I have failed to admire the importance of love often by taking it for granted.   Now I have realized that there is so much to learn about Love. 

I thinks most easily ignored relationship of love is between us and our parents. The word of God says Honour your father and mother , the seriousness being  presented as a commandment from God rather than a choice. I have taken my parents granted for so many things that I never tried to dig into the love parents have for their child , and to utter surprise I have found close resemblance of attributes to parental love as mentioned earlier in bold letters. Its kind of funny that the love which I am trying to understand is most easily understood by the love of parents for their child and in my ignorance or lack of information I was trying replicate the love between a boy and girl with aforementioned definition of love , which is very rare to find. But also I must admit the no. of songs written for the love of boy and  girl are way more than any songs written for any other relationship , so its  kind of obvious that  we easily mistake the love between a boy and girl as the definition of love and tend to  follow that.

        Another love  have found which is rarely emphasized is love for people ,the best example of our time : Mother Teresa. Though there a lot of admirers of her , but hardly any takers for her actions including me. In the Bible , I have come across a very indispensable attribute  for living a life according of word of God :- willingness. This attribute according to me differentiates Mother Teresa from others. Her willingness to serve people would not have been easier until she was willing to serve God from a true heart . So another treasure I unearthed from the Pandora box  is that willingness is an important element of love. Love can not be forced on someone or obtained by meditating or following any rules / mantra. It’s originates from heart , so we must be very careful about our heart and keep it clean perpetually till the time its beating. Its surprising that God in the Bible has put special emphasis on the heart and has given instructions ,warnings to preserve it from evil thoughts  and the one I like says “ The heart is deceitful for all kind evils originates from it”. So even as I have succeeded in  understanding  to some extent what Love means and what it is to Love someone , I must also confess that I must guard my heart from all kind of  pollutants to restore willingness.  As God also says that you must serve me with a willing heart.

          I would restrict the types of relationship depicting love to  i) a boy and a girl, ii) parents and child

      iii) love for people (humanitarian)  and most importantly iv) Love for God (& God’s love for us).

     

     Love between a boy and a girl

      

      As a kid growing up in a generic environment comprising of school, colony, friends, neighborhoods , on  introspection  I  have deduced that  the feelings for a girl is almost natural by default. Its almost  a  tender  feeling  that  find  expression right from we the time we initiate learn the English alphabets at our kindergarten till we become adult. 

     

I am almost taken aback with the fact that the love for  a girl is not something we learn at our homes when we step out into the world to learn but rather its something that emanates from within automatically, the source unknown.As I was growing up , when I began having friends both and girls in my school,it was always different when its came to friendship with girls. Then of course there is TV which embellishes one’s feelings for girls in various ways during childhood. Today’s kids are so much exposed to TV that its sometimes surprising to hear the usual chit chat they have among themselves and parents easily dismiss them considering it being normal. This reminds me of an ad of McDonald featuring a boy and girl aged 5/6 years sitting on bench in a park happen a see a teen couple pass by  holding hands  and  suddenly this girl asks  the boy if they are girlfriend and boyfriend .Then the boy blurts out his philosophical answer leading to McDonald being a cheaper escape to costly things to please a girl with.

Teen love, as it is popularly known starts with Pehla nasha , pehla khuma and as a kid who is somewhat average in studies , who still needs to mom to pack tiffin for school and comb hair to look presentable is ready to conquer world for a special girl he finds lately in the class and do everything to please her . Sometimes this kid gestures his feeling to that special girl or keeps it hidden fearing adverse consequences and if that special girl who comes to know that she is special to someone, she learns to blush whenever confronted with her admirer indicating partial approval or simple demonstrates ignoring or disgusted looks indicating her  complete disapproval. And this boy tries to steal some time from  his usual time from  studies, sports after school  for thinking and dreaming about the special girl who is first person he is going to look for when he goes to school next day. It happens like this , if that special girl is absent next day the whole day is a waste and he puts on a long face while his friends keep on wondering whats wrong with him.

If that special girl is in  a different class, the boy would be eager for morning prayer  where he  would find a glimpse of her . The boy would be excited  for common events  involving all the classes like Physical Training education or organizing event for Teacher’s Day or any special event  where he would find ways to be around that girl without talking to her. He would be silent when he is around her either by chance or willingly  but the girl would sense his presence so strongly that she would be excited nervously with the feeling of being adored by the boy. When the girl gathers strength to reply to the emotions being surrounded with due to the presence of the boy for whom she is special she blushingly lifts her eyelids and throws an irresistible glance to the boy and the boy’s heart deciphers the signals and the heart beat increases at once. The boy is now terribly confused with nervous excitement on how to react and what to feel and suddenly feels that world around him looks so cheerful and quickly pictures a dreamland where he and his special girl are alone adventuring and are so happy for each other.

We call this  love in form of first crush which some of us happen to experience in school while we are learning to take on the world after graduating from school.Indeed , its surprising to experience that strange feeling for the first time might be pleasant or unpleasant. The other side of this feeling of love between a boy and girl is a secretive  love that a boy possesses for his special girl  and fails to gather courage to express for X Y Z reasons bringing own set of insecurities and complicated emotions. He would also envy those if he mistakes the one to whom his special one is attracted to or laughs,jokes or eat and share lunch with and he would try to ignore her when confronted with her with a sense of dejection . He would try to work out ways to get out that feelings often dismissing  with a self-realization that he is simply good enough for her and just stop thinking about her. Among all of these, he almost feels suicidal when he learns that even like him there are others admirers for her and he is way out of  league to compete with them .

So with first experience of love we go on to garner the beautiful feelings of love thereon. We carry this feeling though our college , professional life to the point of marriage  and thereafter. Even we become more experienced in our lives loaded with responsibilities we never cease to having this feeling of love for a girl . Its always on either in a explicit and implicit way looking for a special girl for whom the boy would still conquer the world. Of course this boy comes across with varied instances where he finds  the special one and stops after some time and considers it failure and carry on to another or  takes a pledge not to indulge into this ever again.  Then this boy also recovers from his unpleasant experiences and tries to become more responsible thereafter finally concluding with marriage either with a girl whom he loves or with  a entirely new girl whom his parents have hunted for him.